You may think that just because you've left campus, you've escaped the grasp of me, the Office of Student Engagement. But I'm back, I'm better and stronger than ever, and I'm here to say that you're still invited to my weekly offerings. 

 

Sure, you never came to my diverse extracurricular and academic offerings before. But I don't blame you. Who would want to make their own terrariums or go to an info session for the Master of Public Administration in International Development when they could do literally any other activity with their friends? But now, I see you. You don't have a Plan B. You're sitting at home, so bored you might actually do your readings for class. I've caught you at your lowest of lows, and this is where I swoop in and save the day. 

 

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the WEEKLY EVENTS NEWSLETTER! I've got it all, from tarot card readings to DIY crafts to virtual trivia. How could you possibly deny this range? I'll even teach you Bhangra remotely, goddammit. Get off your ass and DANCE! I know you're doing it for TikTok, why won't you do it for me? 

 

I give you my all. You can count on me, every week, rain or shine, on-campus or off-campus, in global pandemic or in health. You literally have nothing else to do - is one inkling of interest too much to ask?