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Harvard Shocked, A Little Offended, to Find Yale Took More Money From Eager Parents in Admission Process

CAMBRIDGE, MA.— Dean of Harvard Admissions William R. Fitzsimmons was surprised to note that Yale had been offered more money over the past few admission cycles from overeager parents attempting to bribe their kids into the school than Harvard had. According to eye witnesses, when Dean Fitzsimmons read the Justice Department report, he seemed perplexed and mumbled “$400,000…?”