SatireV

Breaking

and entering

America Not Ready for Fossil Fuels to Pull Out, Not Yet

Referring to the Keystone Pipeline, America said, "They don't call it XL for nothing!"

Although America knows the risks involved, it just isn't ready for fossil fuels to pull out, not yet. Friends like Britain and France have reminded America about the scare it had a few years ago when fossil fuels spilled all over its coast, but America has responded that that was "one time" and "it's not like there were any permanent consequences." 

Critics speculate that America had been planning to have fossil fuels pull out all along, but simply cannot get enough of that rush. Admiring the Keystone Pipeline's impressive length, America admitted that it would love to feel that big guy barreling through its center. "They don't call it XL for nothing," said America as it smiled and reminisced on more permissive times when no pesky protections stood between the nation and satisfaction.  

"I remember when I used to have a dozen huge companies drilling away at me at once," expanded America to the chagrin of its citizens who would rather not hear this. "Nothing was off limits! The pressure would build up until the oil couldn't hold back any longer, and these so called 'gushers' would rain down their sticky fluids on my land, drenching it completely," said America in a reverie. "Obviously, I'm smarter now and I would never let a spill like that happen again, but a country can dream." 

© 2013
Category: