This list is compiled from the crumpled pieces of paper found in Dr. Anthony Fauci’s wastebasket.
How to lower case counts in the US:
- Vaccine for COVID
- Vaccine for anti-vaxxers (Note: Bleach no longer on sale)
- Test less
- Test more, but actually fix the situation
- Call it "covid" instead of "COVID"
- Unlearn to Count Nevada beat us to it
- 20 to 30 minutes of moderate cardiovascular exercise, 3 times a week
- One apple a day (Note: May impede health care workers)
- Tell everyone that orange juice prevents it, wait for placebo effect and/or herd immunity
- Stick head in hole, scream liberally
- Stick head in hole, scream conservatively until case rates rise in the hole too.
- The Mediterranean diet
- Hydrate
- Dissolve the Union (Note: Only plan popular in Southern states)
Image Credit: The Washington Post