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How to Lower COVID-19 Case Counts

anthony fauci
Think, Fauci, think... there's gotta be something here.

This list is compiled from the crumpled pieces of paper found in Dr. Anthony Fauci’s wastebasket.

How to lower case counts in the US:

- Vaccine for COVID

- Vaccine for anti-vaxxers (Note: Bleach no longer on sale)

- Test less

- Test more, but actually fix the situation

- Call it "covid" instead of "COVID"

Unlearn to Count   Nevada beat us to it

- 20 to 30 minutes of moderate cardiovascular exercise, 3 times a week

- One apple a day (Note: May impede health care workers)

- Tell everyone that orange juice prevents it, wait for placebo effect and/or herd immunity

- Stick head in hole, scream liberally

- Stick head in hole, scream conservatively until case rates rise in the hole too.

- The Mediterranean diet

- Hydrate

- Dissolve the Union (Note: Only plan popular in Southern states)


Image Credit: The Washington Post

© 2020