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Quiz: Which Vaccine Are You?

Wanna know which vaccine totally matches your vibe even though you'll have no say as to which one you actually get? Take this quiz to find out! 


1. Your dream vacation spot is:

A) Europe


C) India

D) Nowhere, you’d rather stay at home

E) Anywhere that’s all-inclusive 


2. Your optimal temperature is:

A) -94 degrees, about as warm as that one GENED TF you had freshman fall

B) Freezing, aka Cambridge during May

C) Mid 40s, like that professor you want to hook up with

How to Lower COVID-19 Case Counts

anthony fauci

This list is compiled from the crumpled pieces of paper found in Dr. Anthony Fauci’s wastebasket.

How to lower case counts in the US:

- Vaccine for COVID

- Vaccine for anti-vaxxers (Note: Bleach no longer on sale)

- Test less

- Test more, but actually fix the situation

- Call it "covid" instead of "COVID"

Unlearn to Count   Nevada beat us to it

- 20 to 30 minutes of moderate cardiovascular exercise, 3 times a week

- One apple a day (Note: May impede health care workers)

QUIZ: Does This Lady Have a Small Bladder or Just Desperately Want to Leave Your Picnic?

Many a time will women dip out of socially-distanced hangouts, claiming that they have a “small bladder” and need to get home. Take this quiz to see whether your friend is being truthful or not!

How many ounces of water has she consumed throughout the picnic?

a)     5

b)    15

c)     30.5

When you proposed taking a walk around the park, she …

a)     Vehemently declined. “Why can’t we just sit?”

Where They Stand: COVID-19-era Grading

For the newest installment of Where They Stand, your trusted SatireV pollsters did a survey to see where key campus figures stand on how Harvard should change the grading policy in light of the COVID pandemic and students working from home. Scroll through to see the results.

Department heads

Economics DUS Jeffrey Miron: The faculty have decided that giving grades takes too much time out of their precious research calendar, so we’re suspending all grading requirements indefinitely.