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Irma to Visit Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys in Boca Raton This Weekend

Irma and the gang.
Irma (far left) and the gang.

BOCA RATON – Things are sure to spin out of control this weekend when area octogenarian Irma visits her friends Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys at the Sunny Vistas Assisted Living Center in Boca Raton, Florida.

Sporting her HurryCane Freedom Edition™️ folding cane, Irma was last seen tearing her way through the resort island St. Maarten. After cruising through the rest of the Caribbean, Irma will make landfall in South Florida on Saturday and work her way up the coast to Boca to reunite with her three friends, with whom she used to do yoga on Long Island before they moved south to retire. Gail Wind, another New York transplant at Sunny Vistas, might make an appearance as well.

Administrators at Sunny Vistas expect Irma to wreak havoc on the community, and have already issued advisory warnings urging residents to evacuate. Those that cannot leave are encouraged to travel carefully, use hazard lights, and avoid areas that Irma is driving through. Although these precautions will help mitigate the disaster, experts still estimate that Irma will cause billions of dollars in damages, devastate the local environment, and make vast swaths of the state uninhabitable for weeks. As was the case in Houston, which is still in the throes of recovery after Irma’s cousin Harvey stopped by last week.  

Irma told reporters that she thinks the weekend will be a whirlwind. She hopes to blow Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys away when she introduces them to her new boyfriend José, whom she met in the Caribbean. According to Irma, he’s a “freak of nature” who “breaks down my levees, if you know what I mean.”


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