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AARP to Promote Leisure Activities in Developing Countries with New B-I NGO

old people

In an effort to enrich the lives of aging populations in developing countries, the American Association for Retired People is launching the new Beat Infirmity Non-Governmental Organization (B-I NGO) this spring. 

Primary activities for those receiving aid will include scrabble and underwater aerobics. In hotter countries, AARP will offer supplemental activities, like sitting around and complaining about the weather.

“Get off my lawn!” said one excited new member. “And make that damn dog stop barking!”

Irma to Visit Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys in Boca Raton This Weekend

Irma and the gang.

BOCA RATON – Things are sure to spin out of control this weekend when area octogenarian Irma visits her friends Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys at the Sunny Vistas Assisted Living Center in Boca Raton, Florida.

New York Times Stock Jumps 10% After Local Retiree Unwittingly Clicks Online Ad

For only the fifth time in two years, an advertisement on The New York Times's website was clicked, sending the dying media corporation’s revenue up 300% for the fiscal year.
 
The person responsible? None other than soft-spoken local retiree Sally Weld, whose arthritic pointer finger slipped and accidentally clicked an online ad on the Times' website yesterday.