and entering

Michelle Obama Moves Arrhythmically with Dusty Root Vegetable, Inspires Youth

Within 24 hours of Mrs. Obama's vine, the state of California had already replaced the bear on its flag with the charismatic tubor.

WASHINGTON, DC—Youth everywhere are putting down their mayonnaise poppers and sugar injections and picking up bitter, vitamin C rich bulbs of turnip in response to FLOTUS Michelle Obama’s short, uncomfortable post to Vine last night.

Nevertheless, some critics remain skeptical of the efficacy of the first lady’s hip take on healthy living.

“I wish her husband would ‘turnip’ the economy,” grumbled a nearby old man whose opinion we did not ask. “Between Ebola and ISIS, is there really ‘mushroom’ for our country's leaders to be squirming around on camera with uncooked food?” he continued, even though we had already turned our backs to him. 

One thing, however, is certain: young people cannot get enough!

“I think you just have to be young to get it” commented Emily Saunders, a 17 year old junior at Georgetown Day School. “She really took my love for a year-old Lil Jon reference and used it to help me understand why healthy living is cool!”

© 2014