and entering

Saint West, Patron of Celebrity Magazines, Blesses PEOPLE With Exclusive Pics

And lo, Saint West graced the readers of Us Weekly and Star Magazine with his never-ending gifts of gossip and inevitably salacious scandals.

HIDDEN HILLS, CA—In a display of benevolence that is attracting pilgrims from as far afield as Brentwood and Malibu, Saint West, the son of Kimye and patron saint of celebrity rags, has officially blessed People magazine with his exclusive first photo shoot.

“Praised be Saint West for his many blessings!” exclaimed People managing editor Larry Hackett upon hearing the news. “Verily, he hath granted us a 9% same-day increase in website traffic and a veritable bounty of sales in Safeway checkout lines. Surely all glory be unto Saint West!”

While many theologians initially protested West’s canonization, arguing that the only miracle he had performed was to leapfrog “Saints depth chart” and “Saint Anselm College” in the Google search bar’s auto-complete suggestions, the masses of ladies who cut your mom’s hair and girls you knew in high school with the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood iPhone app did assemble and cry “Santo Subito!” in unison, starting his beatification process ahead of schedule and allowing him to become the youngest saint in the history of the Roman Catholic Church.

At press time, St. West could be heard blessing his parents’ mansion with the ringing of a heavenly tantrum.


Image Source: John Singleton Copley/ReaverFlash/Wikipedia

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