SatireV

Breaking

and entering

celebrity

I, Too, Can Fuck

Mark Zuckerberg

Stop it. Just please stop. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t understand. Please stop talking about how much Jeff Bezos fucks. I don’t even think the nudes are his. I’m not just saying this because the idle thought of staging an elaborate affair and leaking my own nudes to the press occurs to me at least twice daily and four times on Wednesday. What do you mean “the top of the pubic region can be seen”? Jeff Bezos has no pubic hair. Or any hair. Jeff Bezos is a naked mole rat stacked on top of three small children. 

Saint West, Patron of Celebrity Magazines, Blesses PEOPLE With Exclusive Pics

HIDDEN HILLS, CA—In a display of benevolence that is attracting pilgrims from as far afield as Brentwood and Malibu, Saint West, the son of Kimye and patron saint of celebrity rags, has officially blessed People magazine with his exclusive first photo shoot.