and entering

Toothpaste Tube Turns out to, Indeed, Be Infinite

Don't let the exterior deceive you. This baby is endless.

CAMBRIDGE, MA— At first, Caroline Jenson thought it was just a fluke. But then, the toothpaste kept coming and coming, leading Jenson to the conclusion that the amount of toothpaste contained in the tube approached infinity. 

“When the tube lasted my whole Freshman Fall,” she admitted, “I thought it was just an unusually large tube. But then, I hit Junior Spring, and I knew something was up.”

“If I had known toothpaste tubes were infinite, I would have never taken that intolerably long trek from Adams to CVS,” explained Charlotte Mills, a three-time FOP leader.

While Harvard students are still reeling over the news, the scientific community is taking note. In collaboration with Harvard’s Department of Chemistry and Chemical Biology, NASA has harnessed the tube as an alternative power source. Upcoming tests will replace rocket fuel canisters with Crest UltraWhite Tubes. If successful, the research will spark a new age of interstellar travel. 

In the business sector, Crest finds itself embroiled in a heated legal battle, as the FDA is requiring they change their ingredients list to read: “Sodium fluoride — ∞.” Many legal experts speculate that the dispute may may go on forever. Others anticipate it will soon converge. 

© 2019