SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Yale Football Team Watches The Sound of Music to Get Pumped for The Game

An Yale football player discovers the joys of cosplay.

NEW HAVEN, CT--Ahead of the much-anticipated annual match-up between the Harvard and Yale football teams, scouting reports indicate the Yale  Football team is watching The Sound of Music as a morale-building exercise.

Yale head coach Tony Reno revealed that the choice to show the Rodgers and Hammerstein classic was made because “we really need to up the energy this year, so it was this or Marley and Me. Also, I have a huge crush on Julie Andrews. ” 

 

Reno further decided to make the screening mandatory, with those unable to attend instead required to submit a three-page essay answering the prompt “How do you solve a problem like Maria?”

 

Scouting reports indicate that the Yale team has also used the movie to inspire a new set of plays they hope will help them finally beat the dominant Crimson, including “High on a Hill was a Lonely Goatherd”, “Fa! A long, long way to run,” and "Blossom of Snow May You Bloom and Grow!" In what is sure to be an exciting trick play, Wide Receiver Bo Hines will make his theatrical debut as the Goatherd.

 

“We’ve lost the last nine years, and that’s tough,” Quarterback Kurt Rawlings told the huddle during a practice this week. “But when I’m feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.” 

 

Yale Bowl staff revealed that the movie has also has a positive impact on the team's "locker room culture," which is now focused on doorbells and sleighbells and schnitzels with noodles.

© 2016
Category: