and entering

Astonished North Korean Programmer Stares at Computer Screen in Disbelief

Kang, in an undated file photo, demonstrates the destructive power of the glorious Taepodong-M computer mouse

Pyongyang, North Korea – Kang Soo-Kyoh, a thirty-three year old computer hacker employed by the North Korean government, blinked slowly three times earlier today before removing his glasses, cleaning them on his shirt, and replacing them on his face in order to squint at the headlines filling his Google News feed.

“Jesus H. Kim,” said Kang, “That actually worked.”

Kang, who was tasked with preventing the release of Sony Pictures’ The Interview later this month, “can’t freaking believe it.”

“I mean, like, wow, really?” said Kang. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and everything, but how did we even…?” Given the unanticipated success of the program, Kang went on to say that, unlike an adequate supply of food for most of his countrymen, “Nothing is off the table here.”

“Well, if it’s that easy, right?” said Kang. “Our main goal here has always been to get back at Bobby Lee for all those MadTV sketches. I guess we could make that happen, maybe. I don’t know.”


When asked whether further cyberterrorist threats were in the works, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un stated only that, unlike reliable electricity in the nation’s capital, “You can depend on it.”

© 2014