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British Cabinet on Verge of Collapse

LONDON – The British Cabinet, constructed by Prime Minister Theresa May, is now on the verge of collapse.

According to reports the May Cabinet, which had been propped up by the work of many different ministers and advisers, has serious structural issues. "Well first of all, it was built on an shoddy, unelected foundation," said architect Nigel Harrington. "But even though they've since added a democratic upgrade to the structure, I'm still wondering why the thing was built in the first place."

Sturdy ministers like Philip Hammond, Jeremy Hunt, and Amber Rudd had been keeping the Cabinet together by doling out screws in a fiscally prudent fashion and only putting a modest Brexit plan in the display case. But Foreign Minister Boris Johnson attempted to stuff the Cabinet with colonial-era artifacts, causing it to lean too far to the right.

"Britannia will never rule this kitchen, let alone the waves, if we don't embrace our Britishness," said Johnson, carrying a hammer, nails, and a marble bust of Winston Churchill. Attempting to help Johnson, International Development Minister Priti Patel secretly negotiated the construction of a parallel Cabinet with Israel. But once May found out, Patel was immediately banished from the dining room area. 

At press time, Johnson, Brexit Minister David Davis, and Environment Minister Michael Gove were reportedly seen rigging a trap that will dump cold water on May next time she opens the Cabinet.

© 2017