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Prince Harry and Meghan’s Unborn Child Already Planning Gruesome Murders of Entire Family for Power

pregnant belly
You might think those kicks are cute now...

LONDON- Prince Harry and Duchess Megan’s unborn child is already planning to murder the entire family in order to gain access to the crown. Extensive investigative reporting found plans to first take out the Queen, then slowly machete off each royal family member in line for the throne. 

“I don’t even have a gender yet and I’m already planning world domination,” the fetus told us. “You thought the sun never set on the British Empire before? Just wait, baby.” The royal tot, not yet even in its second trimester, is reportedly planning not just British takeover, but American as well. The angel-face cherub noted "Yeah that's right- I have British AND American blood and you can bet I will use the FULL FORCE of the Royal Navy and U.S. Army for my will. That's the tea. The Boston Tea Party...if you will."  

The chubby faced tot had to pause in the middle of the interview for a diaper change and nap time. However, the precious babe announced that “just cause I need naps does NOT mean I’m not FULLY prepared to pluck out someone’s eye’s in a-la Shakespeare’s Richard III for the crown. Yeah that’s right bitches. I’m already studying ole Bill. Teaching me everything I need to know. Him and Moriarty of course.”  

The new child will be 7th in line for the throne, so we can expect seven murders to occur before Harry and Meghan’s child becomes King or Queen. “Yeah I’m not worried about taking out George, he’ll be the easiest. Charlotte is who I’m gonna have to be careful about...” the lil royal munchkin noted. Spotted with the babe during this interview was a full arsenal of knives, poisons, and a detailed notebook entitled “WEAKNESSES OF MY ENEMIES.” 

Though the chubby toddler cannot even turn over by him or herself yet, the future monarch is already planning his or her dominion. Notable plots include complete deference towards the monarch, restored capital punishment, and mandatory Barney & Friends viewings every evening. “I mean, if you really think about, Barney can be seen as an allegory for a political economy…” Harry & Megan’s child noted.  

At press time, Megan Markel was seen exiting a bookstore with copies of Richard III, Richard II, Henry VI, and Peter Rabbit. 

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