and entering

RadioShack Outlasted by Both Radios and Shacks

Look upon my works, ye mighty, and get 90% off. Going out sale!

RadioShack announced yesterday that it will close 187 stores, meaning both radios and shacks will outlive it.

The company has been around for 96 years, having spent the last 95 slowly dying. Radio has thrived for 122 years, having been a platform for the likes of Larry King and Ira Glass. Shacks have existed for the last 400,000 years, providing invaluable shelter to the entire human race.

Of course, age is not the only means to evaluate something. RadioShack is filing its second bankruptcy in only two years. Meanwhile, neither radios nor shacks have ever filed a single bankruptcy.

Experts in the field postulate about what secret sauce Radios and Shacks have that RadioShack does not. Dr. Nathan Granger, the Doris. G. Trumbleton Professor of History at Eastern Kentucky College, mused, “I presume it was merely an unfortunate combination of nouns. There’s a simple beauty to these elements: hotdog, brainstorm, joystick. Warmdog? Braintornado? That makes no sense! Pleasurestick? Oh, actually...”

Unfortunately, with its latest financial trouble, RadioShack is slated to join the likes of Circuit City, which has been embarrassingly outlived by both circuits and cities.

© 2017