SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Sephora Donates 1 Million Ultra-Hydrating Face Masks To Healthcare Workers

Sephora
Friendly French makeup giant

WASHINGTON D.C. — After facing backlash for laying off over 3,700 part-time employees, French makeup giant Sephora is now being applauded for its pledge to donate its stockpile of facemasks to American frontline healthcare workers combatting the COVID-19 pandemic.  While no N95 masks were listed for sale on the company website, industrial grade clay, charcoal, and Himalayan salt models in durable pastel packaging were available in bulk.

In a recent statement, Sephora CEO Jean-André Rougeot, explained “I’ve heard so much in the news about how our heroic healthcare workers are in desperate need of lifesaving facemasks, and we here at Sephora are happy to do our part in every way and help them achieve the dewy, radiant skin they require. The news is true, facemasks can be lifesavers, especially in these trying times when self care is more important than ever!”. Our reporters approached numerous healthcare workers for comment, but all responded that they were too busy, and told reporters to back up 6 feet.

Sephora was thanked by President Trump in a press briefing, along with other companies, including Apple and Facebook, who have pledged to donate millions of N95 masks.  “I have also been told that Sephora is considering donating lip scrubs and hair masks as well.  I don’t know what those things are and will not be using them myself, but maybe Dr. Fauci could explain? Oh, actually let’s hear from our lady doctor, Dr. Birx. Rest assured, we will be providing our healthcare workers with the best lip scrubs America has to offer. Maybe the best lip scrubs of all time.” said Trump.

At press time, President Trump had threatened to invoke the Defense Production Act upon several other companies who have not offered similar donations, including 3M, General Motors, Ulta Beauty, and LUSH Cosmetics.

© 2020
Category: