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I’m Not Racist, I Have Black Sims

By Scott Miller

As a white suburban man with a general predisposition for people like me and a general indifference towards political issues not involving me, I have often been accused of being a “racist” or a “bigot.” Such accusations hurt me deeply, for I am a good person who loves people of all colors. Those who disagree don’t know the real me and don’t know that I, in fact, have black sims. 

Scientists Finally Determine Amount of Racism White Liberals Will Tolerate

PASADENA, CA - A team of scientists at the California Institute of Technology announced today that, after years of research, they have finally determined the amount of racism that white liberals are willing to tolerate.
 
"This has been a long and arduous project, and we're glad it has reached a satisfying conclusion," said Dr. Hannah Underwood, the project's head researcher. "Some things were obvious. Slavery, the Klan—white liberals obviously find those repulsive."
 

Legal System Accidentally Does Its Job in Dylann Roof Case

CHARLESTON, SC--The nation united in shock and horror today after a Charleston County jury found white supremacist Dylann Roof guilty on thirty-three federal hate crimes charges. Such a display of competence and of respect for black lives that has irreparably shaken Americans' faith in their legal system's ability to utterly fuck things up.

Nation Really Excited to Hear Ferguson's Next Excuse

Ferguson, MO - Following the recent news of the Department of Justice’s investigation into Ferguson’s police department, polls indicate that most Americans are really looking forward to hearing Ferguson’s new excuse for why it isn’t racist.