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Physician Declares Donald Trump “Healthiest Man Alive” As President-elect Coughs Up Blood

NEW YORK, NY -- After a physical examination early Thursday morning in which Dr. Harold N. Bornstein M.D., Donald J. Trump’s physician, watched the President-elect cough up blood and eat three Big Macs on his exam table, Bornstein today released the following statement: “Donald Trump is the healthiest man alive. He is in perfect shape. I’ve never seen a healthier man in my life.”