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Grandson of Henry Ford Dies in Most Efficient Way Possible

William Clay Ford, Sr., the last surviving grandson of notable industrialist and car manufacturer Henry Ford, died in his sleep on March 9. Analysts have waited to release this information on the speediness and optimized productivity of his death for fear that someone else would die incredibly efficiently, perhaps long-time favorite, the ever-efficient German train system.

Body of Jimmy Hoffa found in Cemetery

Detroit, MI—nearly 40 years after Teamsters’ Union leader Jimmy Hoffa’s disappearance, Federal investigators have discovered his body buried in a Detroit-area cemetery. Hoffa, who is believed to have been killed in 1975 over a dispute with the mafia about the Teamsters’ Union’s pension fund, was found beneath a granite headstone marked “James Riddle Hoffa”. Investigators are currently investigating the significance of the name for clues on who might have hidden the body in the cemetery, hoping that it will lead them to Hoffa’s killer.