CAMBRIDGE, MA — Trembling with the strain of clenching his quivering buttcheeks together, Mike Dawkins anxiously waited until his roommates left for the pizza shop before unleashing an ungodly build-up of flatulence Tuesday night. 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vice President Mike Pence has finally released the fart he has been holding in for seven years.

At a breakfast for small business owners this Friday, Pence paused in the middle of assuring attendees that the President does not intend to declare war on Australia. He furrowed his eyebrows, looked pensively at his shoes, and let a big one rip.