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goddammit russell can you do nothing right?

Area Bum Fails to Even Contribute Chromosomes to His Children

DNA

CAMBRIDGE, MASS. – Russell Marks, a local father of two, took absentee parenting to new heights when his wife realized that he neglected to pass any of his chromosomes onto their offspring.

“I mean, it was one thing when he missed Timmy’s first birthday party and left Lucy at the Gentlemen’s Club for five hours,” Marks’ wife Martha said. “But this is just ridiculous.”