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Happier than You

Kid Who Ate Glue In Kindergarten Happier Than You

In a development that has generated responses from your childhood friends as varied as “Wait, who?” and “Oh, him,” a recent bout of Facebook stalking has revealed that Stewart Benson, who, when he was five years old, drank out of a bottle of Elmer’s on a semi-regular basis, is currently enjoying life far more than you are.