Class of 2019: By The Numbers, A Month Later

Statistically, one of these students has contracted food poisoning from a food truck in the Science Center.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- A month ago, the Crimson’s released “Class of 2019: By the Numbers.” The start of freshman year can be a turbulent time, so SatireV polled the freshman class once more to see what has changed since opening days.

Class Makeup and Admissions

90% of students really don’t understand why they got in.
10% of students are now considered arrogant by their classmates.
99.9999% of students have answered the questions: What’s your name? What dorm are you in? and Where are you from?

Academics and Extracurriculars

35% of students have changed their intended concentration to economics.
36% of students are in CS50.
64% of students have started to believe that CS50 is a cult (while only 20% believe that FOP is a cult).
23% of students have started to realize that the word “Introduction” in CS50, Introduction to Computer Science, and Stat 110, Introduction to Probability, is satirical.
112.8% of students have realized that midterm curves don’t make sense.

Beliefs & Lifestyle

53% of students are starting to wonder what’s happening to the water pressure in their showers.
13% of students would like to inform the Crimson that they are no longer virgins.
64% of students have started to dislike the taste of HUDS food.
26% of students will start to dislike the taste of HUDS food in the coming months.
10% of students lack tastebuds.
86% of students have now tried alcohol, of those, 46% have only ever tried Rubinoff and Keystone Light.