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Delphic Club will close indefinitely rather than integrate


In a surprise to many the Delphic Club announced Friday that it would close indefinitely rather than be forced to accept a co-ed class of punches.  Standing in a seersucker suit outside the Delphic clubhouse, Grad Board President Harry F. Byrd Sr. ’52 expounded on his new policy of “Massive Resistance.” Byrd explained that the Delphic had a “storied legacy from J.P. Morgan to today” and would “slowly succumb to rising property taxes and a declining endowment rather than adopt the policies of that northern quadling Dean Khurana.” 

Such a situation comes in the wake of the historic decision ruling in favor of Spee president Oliver Brown ’16 over the grad Board in his bid to include women in this year's punch. 

The Delphic’s decision took many by surprise as it has always been thought of as one of the more progressive clubs.  “I am astonished that the Delphic made this choice, I mean it’s one of the northern clubs,” said Max Stevenson ‘17, referring to the Porcelian, A.D. and Delphic, the three clubs north of Mt. Auburn street.  While no other club has explicitly announced plans to cancel this year's punch many insiders believe that the Phoenix Sphinx Kangaroo will follow the Delphic’s example.  

In a statement released after the ruling Dean Khurana said that “Brown vs. Grad Board represents a triumph for the community as the fight for gender and racial diversity pushes forward on this final final clubs frontier.”

The legality of such a maneuver is questionable.  Sophomore Taylor Choate ’18 has brought the issue before the Ad Board arguing that “the chance to be discriminated against because of your race and socioeconomic status is a universal right defended in the student handbook.”  Continuing, “I have a constitutional right to be educated not just in the classroom, but also outside the classroom, as the crippling backwardness of these institutions slowly destroy whatever sense of community I came to Harvard for.”

As of press time current Delphic members were considering selling bubble-tea out of their windows on Linden Street as a means of supporting the club in lieu of new member dues.  Further rumors were circulating about a build up of HUPD officers at the Bureau of Study Council in preparation for a possible forced opening of the club.


© 2015