and entering

Gov Concentrators Can’t Follow Baseball After Pace Quickens

Gov concentrators have long noted that one baseball game, much like a political science study, has almost no predictive power about the outcome of following games.

In an effort to speed up the notoriously slow pace of the game, Major League Baseball recently announced some changes to its pace of play rules, such as mandating that batters keep at least one foot in the batter’s box, timing pitching changes, a quickly returning to play after TV commercials. MLB hopes this will alleviate its increasing average game length in order to attract and retain more viewers. 

However, some viewers have found the game more difficult to follow after the changes. Government concentrators have had a tough time adjusting to the new rules, which one concentrator claims make baseball “like, just too fast man.”

“I used to like watching baseball because it really gave me time to just think about all the things I was seeing in front of my face before I had to talk about them to other people,” said Tim Kearney ’17, a Gov concentrator who “as of right now, might” write a thesis.

“Timed pitching changes?” said Sam Russert ’18. “Awwww maaaaaan, now I have, like, no time to remember how many runners were on base before the cool beer commercials.” When asked why she couldn’t just look at the scorekeeper in screen’s upper left corner, Russert responded, “The what?”

By contrast, Social Studies concentrators have begun watching MLB games at higher rates. “Go team! Yay Patriots!” said Charles O’Donnell ’16, a Social Studies concentrator focusing on post-postcolonialism. When asked why he suddenly developed an interest in baseball, O’Donnell responded, “I kind of naturally do whatever I think Gov concentrators might find difficult. And this was one of those things.”

At press time Stat concentrators were drafting their fantasy baseball teams in preparation for Oakland A’s front office job interviews.

Image source: Wikipedia/SecondPrint Productions

© 2015