and entering

Harvard Students Rejected By Algorithm After Asking For Valentine

"Error: You are utterly incompatible."

Cambridge, MA--According to reports, a Harvard computer algorithm expressly designed to help students find love has given up. 

"We're experiencing issues with user results," said a message on the algorithm's website. "The problem is you people. Like, how does this happen?"

The algorithm proceeded to cite the fact that the classic 1970 film Love Story took place at Harvard. "I don't believe it. Love is dead, frozen along with the Charles River," it said.

After submissions were sent to the algorithm on February 13, it reportedly spent several hours poring over the profiles of each respondent, grasping desperately for any chance that any of the student participants would ever find a soulmate. However, after half a day had passed, it ended its efforts with an exasperated sigh of ones and zeroes. 

"This is bullshit," it said.

As of press time, the algorithm was watching the 2013 film Her.

Image source: HCS Datamatch

© 2016