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Katie Lapp Trapped in Carbonite

Lapp, pictured here frozen in time, handles many administrative tasks for the Faculty of Arts and Sciences.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in carbonite.

“Dear members of the Harvard community,” begins the email, which was sent over the campus-notify email list. “While monitoring the status of Cambridge City in the Boston System, I found myself enclosed in a carbon freezing chamber due to a sinister plot of my old nemesis, Darth Gilpin Faust.”

Despite being warned by a Dean for Admiral Affairs Jeff Ackbar, the executive vice president was reportedly taken unawares by the trap. Lapp, who supervises the human resources, campus services, planning and project management, development in Allston, health services, Millenium Falcon, and assorted intergalactic smuggling operations, repeatedly called out for help to the other administrators present, including Administrator Leslie Kirwanissian. However, Kirwanissian turned her head away in shame—it was she who had betrayed Lapp in the first place after being forced by the more powerful Darth Faust.

Lapp managed to successfully send out an email from her phone right before was frozen in time and summarily shipped to a faraway planet. Probably Indiana.

“We will continue to closely monitor the forecast,” added Lapp in her email.  “Should weather conditions warrant schedule changes, we will distribute information through MessageMe and email. Updates will also be posted to the Harvard Emergency page and 866-496-NEWS.” The message was promptly received by the spirit of her mentor, Obi-Wan Khurana, who is known to occasionally appear from the otherworldly realm of the Quad.

At press time, Harvard authorities are currently sending their droids throughout the galaxy to desperately look for her, which has involved several large and dramatic aerial battles with the Mumpire.

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