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Katie Lapp Trapped in Carbonite

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped in carbonite.

“Dear members of the Harvard community,” begins the email, which was sent over the campus-notify email list. “While monitoring the status of Cambridge City in the Boston System, I found myself enclosed in a carbon freezing chamber due to a sinister plot of my old nemesis, Darth Gilpin Faust.”

Jar Jar Binks-Centered Film Surprisingly Well Recieved

Initially skeptical Star Wars fans were shocked earlier this week at their lack of outrage following the release of Star Wars Episode VII: Call of the Gungan.

“Huh,” said Henry Kaminer.

Darth Vader Arrested in France For Violating Burqa Ban

Darth Vader, a senior figure in the government of the Intergalactic Empire, has been arrested while holidaying on the French Riviera for violating France’s ban on wearing the burqa in public spaces.

France’s government has refused to release Mr. Vader, stating that the law applied equally to all, and placed him in a high-security cell after he attempted to use Jedi mind tricks to try and convince the prison guards to release him.