Nicholas Brixby, class of 2016, has reportedly discovered the only “tasteful” joke in existence relating Aaron Hernandez’s former position as a tight end for the New England Patriots to his imminent status as a high-security prison inmate.

Brixby allegedly unveiled the joke at a SatireV staff meeting late Thursday night, in response to an enquiry made by fellow member Jeronimo Hooplah, ’15, who asked those assembled whether or not there were any “tasteful tight end jokes” to be made regarding Hernandez’s situation. At this point, eyewitnesses have stated that Brixby, amidst the nervous laughter of his peers, proceeded to affect the mannerisms of a cunning trial lawyer, grinning and stroking his chin as he said to the room at large:

“Well, it appears that we have brought this case to a nice...tight end.”

This comment producing much mirth, the collected staff members lauded Brixby for his discovery of the only joke which both capitalized on the available wordplay and avoided the potentially gratuitous implications of cruder puns, and arranged for an article on the subject to be written post-haste.