and entering


In Loving Memory of Local Hoodie String (2019-2020)

Our community is deeply saddened to announce that the String in the hoodie that local teen, Craig Arnold, has been wearing for but hardly a year, slipped away violently in Arnold’s sleep while in the washing machine this Thursday evening. The String is survived by its longtime partner, the soft pink Hotline Bling Hoodie, whose loving devotion can best be understood in its ability to always provide a dark, extensive expanse for the String to insert itself into; certainly all that one can hope for in a lover.

Freshman Has Her Name On the Tip of His Tongue

CAMBRIDGE, MA — After unwittingly eliciting eye contact from a vaguely familiar girl across the cafeteria, local freshman Brian O'Connor descended into panic. “What on earth is her name? Was she in my international pre-orientation program?” introspected O'Connor. Maintaining a blank gaze into the semi-recognized girl’s eyes, he dove into the recesses of his memory, “Did it start with an A? Aliya? Ayesha? Ashley? It could have been a C? I think it was one of those unisex names like Cameron. But I am also pretty sure it rhymed with kale. Shit.”