and entering


Area Student Still Doesn't Know Floormate’s Name But “Shit It's Too Late to Ask Now”

CAMBRIDGE, MA – After three months of living within twenty feet of him, Ryan Brown ‘21 still does not know the name of that student who lives across the hall. “Well shit, I can’t just ask him at this point,” he said, realizing the semester is rapidly coming to an end.

Freshman Has Her Name On the Tip of His Tongue

CAMBRIDGE, MA — After unwittingly eliciting eye contact from a vaguely familiar girl across the cafeteria, local freshman Brian O'Connor descended into panic. “What on earth is her name? Was she in my international pre-orientation program?” introspected O'Connor. Maintaining a blank gaze into the semi-recognized girl’s eyes, he dove into the recesses of his memory, “Did it start with an A? Aliya? Ayesha? Ashley? It could have been a C? I think it was one of those unisex names like Cameron. But I am also pretty sure it rhymed with kale. Shit.”

Harvard to Preemptively Rename Northwest Labs

CAMBRIDGE, MA - Emerging from a basement meeting late Tuesday night, Northwest Labs building manager Charles E. Brady confirmed that Harvard University’s Board of Overseers voted to preemptively rename the large new building on Oxford Street currently referred to as “Northwest Laboratories.”

Lowell Sophomore Excited for Graduation of Senior Whose Name He Can’t Remember

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Cambridge, MA- As the semester comes to a close, the bitter Massachusetts winter subsides, and students are preoccupied with formals and last chance hook-ups, our Harvard community’s mind turns towards graduation day.

“I am so excited,” said Taylor Johannes ‘16. “That senior who always says hi to me is finally going to be out of here.”