and entering

No, I Am Not Attracted to Gothorita from Pokemon

Healthy Obsession or Bestiality?
Hold on. Backtrack, rewind, I— Did you j— Did you just ask if I was attracted to Gothorita?

Like, Gothorita? Is that like, pfft, is that like a Neopet or something? Oh, a Poké— Pokéman? Is that how you pronounce it? I don’t even know how to pronounce it.

Are, like, have you lost your mind? Have you gone completely batshit dude? I am not attracted to Gothorita, dude. Who even asks that? Are you attracted to Gothorita, is that why you asked? Only narcs call people narcs, did you even watch 21 Jump Street (2012)? Okay yeah, I have Pokemon Go or whatever, but I haven’t opened it since 2016 and I don’t remember anything, least of all whether Gothorita is my buddy right now, even lesser of all whether she's walked a net 400 kilometers with me, like that I could not tell you.

Why would you even ask me that, as if I know whether she has half-lidded azure eyes and a roughly triangular stature? Like I don’t know, maybe! Are you under the impression I am familiar with the white bow-shaped appendages that grace her, hypothetically, round, ample hair buns? Do you think I know off the top of my head whether in the Sword Pokedex she is dubbed the “Witch of Punishment”? That’s just a weird thing to ask, man. And come on, that’s such a silly nickname anyways. How could a small Pokemon like that possibly punish you? How could she possibly exert physical dominance over you, like are you trying to tell me she would be into rope tying and blindfold stuff? What kind specifically? Haha, see it’s just so silly. All I’m trying to say is, you don’t just ask your friends if they’re attracted to Gothorita, from the Japanese "Gochimiru," a rough fusion of the words 知 (chi, wisdom), and 見る (miru, to see).

I have literally no idea whether she performs attacks such as Whiny Voice and Tickle. And if she did, like, alright, maybe then one might wonder what Gothorita’s Whiny Voice sounds like, or how sweet that tickle would feel. But that would only be if I even knew what you were talking about in the first place.

So let me be totally clear. There is nothing stirring to me about Gothorita (ゴチミル) the Manipulate Pokémon, Gen V psychic pokemon from the Unova region. There is nothing alluring to me about the sexy little bounce her sprite animation does, nor those little red rosebud lips I imagine she perhaps has. I do not enjoy capturing her in a little ball and having her right there in my bag, so close, so close. I am not attracted to Gothorita in any way, shape, form, diamond or pearl, just in the same way I do not only raid gyms when there’s a Lopunny in there. And for you to even think of asking me this stuff is frankly, I mean really, honestly, it’s just bonkers.

So let's cool it with the weird intrusive questions next time, shall we? And having a Gardevoir bedspread doesn’t count as cheating. I looked it up.
Image Credit: GameWith
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