SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Pokemon

No, I Am Not Attracted to Gothorita from Pokemon

Gothorita
Hold on. Backtrack, rewind, I— Did you j— Did you just ask if I was attracted to Gothorita?

Like, Gothorita? Is that like, pfft, is that like a Neopet or something? Oh, a Poké— Pokéman? Is that how you pronounce it? I don’t even know how to pronounce it.

Only a Fortnite Until We Pokémon Go to the Polls!!

Hillary Clinton with Pokemon balls

It’s that time of year again, when all the elementary schools are filled with bake sales and the gym is taken over by democracy, and when good ol’ Hil reminds you all to fulfill your Constitutional duty. But a lot has changed since November of two years ago, so I’ve updated my jokes to tell you all: in only a Fortnite it’s time to Pokemon Go to the Polls!

"Twitch Plays Pokémon" Revives Flagging Mayopoulos Presidency

Following a disappointing meeting last week with University President Drew Faust regarding a $250,000 increase in funding for student organizations, a spiritually disillusioned President Gus Mayopoulos has allegedly found renewed hope for humanity and Harvard in the teachings of The Church of the Helix.

Mayopoulos—who has been watching the online social experiment “Twitch Plays Pokémon” twenty-six hours a day since discovering The Stream—surprised friends and constituents alike with his quick turnaround from existential malaise into transcendent bliss.