and entering

Satire V38: Yale Will Beat Harvard

Damn right, ya little bitches! I'm putting all my eggs in this bulldog-shaped basket.

Alright, guys, I fucked up with the election. But you know what’s going to save my reputation? This Harvard-Yale bullshit. If I get this right, we can basically call it even, right?


Sure, Trump was a huge underdog, but not nearly as much as Yale is right now. Harvard is like Hillary Clinton minus the emails, Wall Street, and—well, you get it. Come on, Harvard has won the last nine games. Last year, Harvard even doubled up Yale’s score. Hillary couldn’t even get more points than Trump—well, unless you’re a godless bleeding-heart liberal who cares about the popular vote. Basically, I’m going to be the only one crazy enough to call this, and that is singlehandedly going to rebuild yours truly's career.


OK, I know what you’re thinking. “Oh Nate, how can you expect us to trust your model when it just failed? And when it failed to predict Brexit? And the Tories winning the British election in 2015? And...” Well, listen up, you little shitheads. I didn’t get my Ph.D. in statistics to hear some pansy gov concentrator tell me how to do my job. In fact, I don’t even have a fucking Ph.D. But it doesn't matter. We both know you never showed up to Stat 104 and can’t tell a linear regression and an ANOVA.


Sometimes the truth hurts, kids. Yale is due for a win this weekend. In fact, my model says there’s a good chance that they hit at least two home runs.

© 2016