CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sam Seward ‘16, a Government concentrator in Quincy House, shocked the Harvard campus today when he announced that he has no political ambitions.

“Not even state senator,” said Seward, standing in front of a crowd of reporters and passers-by who caught wind of the announcement. “I just like political science. From a purely academic standpoint.”

Seward’s announcement amazed and confused onlookers. To some, though, it came as a pleasant surprise.

The Office of Mayor Cat claims that last week’s attack on Stubbs the cat, mayor of Talkeetna, AK, was politically motivated. On his way to the office last week, a loose dog mauled Stubbs, sending Stubbs to the vet. To few, this comes as a surprise; Stubbs has made some formidable canine foes during his 16 years in office.