CAMBRIDGE, MA-–Lowell House Senior Aaron Smith phoned several individuals living in the Radcliffe Quad today to let them know he would be visiting the Quad the following weekend.

“Dude, you’ll never guess where I’m going to be on the 30th,” Smith reportedly said to friend Gregory Li ’17 during one of these phone calls. “I’m going to be in the Quad! We’re going to be like right next to each other. Will you be in town?”

WASHINGTON, DC -- This week, travel to and from the outer rims of the galaxy far, far away in Sector 441, otherwise known as the Radcliffe Quadrangle, might not take so long.

After consulting with the Peter Pan Express, NASA has decided to shave off flight time by skipping the second star to the right and directly going straight on ’til morning. The new flight plan will still launch and land at the same sites on both the planet Earth and the Quad.

By Cognitive Dissonance

Here we go. The big day. I know I’m supposed to be really excited, but I just can’t seem to get myself into the right mood. I have a midterm tomorrow; I’m horrified of getting a bad housing assignment; and I’m going to have to labor endlessly within the subconscious of most of the freshman class. You could say I’m pretty stressed out.