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MGH Research Proposes New “Cure All”: Having a Really Long Arm

Cambridge, MA—Lead researchers at MGH have recently published a paper proposing that all diseases - and they really mean all diseases - can be mysteriously and completely cured when one of the patient’s arms is significantly elongated. Specifically, they claim elongation of 3-5 inches can cure common ailments like bruises, strep, and relationship dissatisfaction; 6-12 inches can cure many serious cancers and STDs; 12+ inches can help those who are underweight.