San Diego, CA—Following SeaWorld’s announcement that it is ending its killer whale shows, grandiose rumors surround the show's former star. Shamu, now known in the sea animal community as a whale-fare queen, has reportedly already spent much of her first unemployment check on swanky living quarters.
“Her new place in the Pacific is so huge, it makes my tank here look like a kiddie pool,” commented an anonymous dolphin friend of Shamu. “And thanks to those food stamps, her fridge is completely packed with organic free-range salmon!”