In the too-distant-to-be-relevant wake of the Edward Snowden NSA leak scandal, Department of Motor Vehicles employee Buddy Harcott has come forward to reveal secret information about his own employer. As the only news source that took him up on the offer, SatireV has exclusive coverage of these secrets. 

Spokane, Washington—Working out of a trailer in the woods a quarter-mile from I-90, 31-year-old Tracey Hopkins frantically attempted to draw a connection between the deadly Boeing 777 crash in San Francisco and the unfolding NSA scandal. Within minutes of hearing about the crash on Twitter, Hopkins had begun to listen in on dozens of HAM radio channels and dig through technology forums in order to find clues.

Edward Snowden, a former NSA contractor, sacrificed everything to reveal secret government data gathering programs.  Now, after spending a week in the Moscow International Airport, he has broken his silence regarding his life of fear and exile.

“A life of fear is not for me,” said Snowden, chewing on a soft pretzel from Bunska Pretzel, Moscow Airport’s premier pretzel shop. “No, no I can have a long, fulfilling life in this airport.”