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Empowered by "Lemonade," Irish Catholic Woman Internalizes Feelings About Husband's Impropriety

Shaughnessy smiles through the sheer force of repressed emotions.
BOSTON, MA -- After listening to Beyonce's empowering new album Lemonade, local Irish Catholic woman Mary Shaughnessy was inspired to internalize all her feelings about her husband's impropriety.
"The song was quite rousing. But Jack admitted that he shouldn't have done it," said Shaughnessy, drinking black coffee as she stared out her kitchen window. "So it's fine."
In her song "Sorry" off Lemonade, Beyonce declares that she "don't give a fuck, chucking my deuces up," in regards to her husband Jay-Z's cheating on her. Her demand that "He better call Becky with the good hair" has generated a buzz about the identity of this "Becky," and audiences everywhere have felt empowered by Beyonce's bravery and confidence. 
By contrast, Shaughnessy claims she once heard her husband talking to another woman on the phone while in the bathroom. "The tap was running, but I heard it," said Shaughnessy. "I was going to talk to my sister Megan, until I realized she probably doesn't want to hear about it."
At press time, Shaughnessy announced plans to cry silently in her sleep every night, and insist that she just has allergies if Jack stirs.
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