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Iowans Regain Eyesight After National Spotlight Shifts

After recovering from their blindness, the Iowans realized that they were still, alas, in Iowa.

DES MOINES, IA- Full recovery is expected for Iowans blinded by the national spotlight last week.

“At first, it was really scary,” reports Ed Johnson, one of those momentarily rendered sightless, “I couldn’t find my corn. I couldn’t find my truck. I couldn’t find my wife.”

“And so I was like, where’s my wife?” he adds, shivering, “but nobody responded. Most likely she was outside.” 

Reports are trickling in of thousands of Iowans slowly regaining eyesight and finding themselves in the streets, in the cornfields, or wandering in circles around tractors. One Iowan, Amy Nicholson, wisely noted that “this shit happens before every election” and "wait, this isn't my house.”

In the meantime, residents of New Hampshire are being assured of their optical safety, although there have been several reports of sudden sightlessness contracted while skiing, harvesting maple syrup, or whatever it is that people from New Hampshire do. 


Image source: Ken Lund/Flickr

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