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Chris Christie Drops Off President’s Day Gift on White House Doorstep

WASHINGTON – New Jersey Governor Chris Christie deposited his carefully selected President’s Day gift for Donald Trump on the White House doorstep in the early hours of Monday morning.

“I wanted to be the first to wish him a Happy President’s Day, you know?” admitted a suddenly blushing Christie to a pool of reporters. “I got him a set of golden eating utensils for the White House kitchen. You know how he loves to eat!” said Christie with a chuckle.

Christie: No Number of Skittles Can Kill Me

TRENTON, NJ -- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R-Otund) held an emergency press conference late Tuesday night regarding Donald Trump Jr.'s comments equating refugees to Skittles. 

"You think some puny rainbow M&M knockoff candies could bring me down? Yeah, sure, buddy, and like I'm not the vice presidential nominee," Christie screamed from his podium.

Presidential Race Swallows Christie Campaign Whole

TRENTON, NJ -- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie suspended his presidential campaign today after a poor performance in the New Hampshire GOP primary. At a press conference this afternoon, Christie admitted that the state had taken a big bite out of his campaign budget, and that he could not afford to continue.