In an effort to enrich the lives of aging populations in developing countries, the American Association for Retired People is launching the new Beat Infirmity Non-Governmental Organization (B-I NGO) this spring. 

Primary activities for those receiving aid will include scrabble and underwater aerobics. In hotter countries, AARP will offer supplemental activities, like sitting around and complaining about the weather.

“Get off my lawn!” said one excited new member. “And make that damn dog stop barking!”