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Obstructionist, Far-Right Congressmen Announce Plans to Unite Party, Congress, Nation

WASHINGTON, DC-- In front of a throng of reporters today on Capitol Hill, a small group of obstructionist, far-right congressmen announced their plans to overcome partisan gridlock and national political disillusionment by working together to alienate the GOP, Congress, and the nation.
 
The press conference came after House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) withdrew from the race to replace House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who plans to resign at the end of October. 
 

After Rough Week, Nation's Mainstream Republicans Binge Watch NCIS

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA-- It was a wild week for the nation's mainstream Republicans. Scott Walker dropped out of the presidential race, House Speaker John Boehner announced his resignation from Congress, and Donald Trump now shares the GOP nomination lead with Ben Carson in the polls. Republicans have sought solace from this whirlwind in their favorite TV drama, NCIS.
 

Analysis Conclusive: John Boehner Sits Out Huge Erection for Better Part of State of the Union Address

As Congress repeatedly arose in applause for the President’s State of the Union Address, Speaker of the House John Boehner remained seated. While some would point to his outspoken disagreement with Obama’s recent policies, reports showed that Boehner had a more important issue on his mind.