By Paul Jacobson

 

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, what in God's name is that? What do you mean, What am I talking about? I'm talking about THAT. Right there, below my left elbow. Can't you see it? Yes, THAT.

 

Do you think it could be cancerous? Fuck, I just can't deal with that right now. What am I supposed to tell my wife? We just took out a mortgage, and we have another kid on the way. FUCK. I should have paid more attention in chemistry class.

 

Using all of the time saved from saying "totes" instead of “totally,” Molly Jackson, 16, has discovered the cure for cancer.

After years of saying the abbreviated word, the saved microseconds finally accumulated into enough free time for Jackson to figure out how to stop the previously uncontrollable cell growth. 

“It was nbd. Tbh idk why people are getting so cray about something I did irl,” said Jackson, who answered questions in between texting her gurls.