Cambridge, MA – To the shock of many students and administrators,  Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana announced yesterday that he had auditioned to be an Eleganza model.

“I’ve actually been considering the career move to modeling for quite some time now,” Khurana admitted, citing his flourishing Instagram account for giving him the “confidence and self-assurance” to fulfill his life-long goal of taking to the runway.

Dear Members of the Harvard Community,

Dear President Faust:

In a successful attempt to get past the Divest Harvard blockade of her office, on Tuesday morning Harvard President Drew G. Faust covered herself in crude oil and ran through the crowd of protesters.

“We tried to stop her, but we couldn’t get a good hold on her,” lamented Divest Harvard co-coordinator Talia Rothstein ’17. “She was just too damn slippery.”

"We didn't even notice her before it was too late," added another protester, who asked to remain anonymous. "She was like a shadow. An oily, oily shadow."

Cambridge, MA--Following the news that Hell, a region known for temperatures upwards of 1,000,000°F, has completely frozen over, an occurrence that leading meteorologists around the globe are describing as “super scary and shit,” Harvard University President Drew Gilpin Faust has announced that the school will be hosting a panel on climate change this coming April.