and entering

Area Bagel Looking for Breadstick

Just an area bagel putting herself out there.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- In anticipation of Valentine’s Day, Plain Bagel is now looking for the perfect breadstick to fill the hole in her heart.

Bagel’s high standards can be hard for a carb to rise to. “He can’t be too thick or too long, and he kneads to be okay with leaving traditional gender rolls behind,” expressed Bagel. “Also, it wouldn’t hurt if he loaves to jam. My ex-breadstick was always raisin the roof.”

Since the breakup with her previous bae-gel, Bagel has had little success with dating. “No one feels right. I mean, my last date showed up completely baked from smoking wheatgrass,” said Bagel of a suitor. “I dough not tolerate drug use.”

Another date claimed to be an authentic Italian breadstick, born and bread, but Bagel discovered that he was actually an Americanized version of the real thing. “I think lies were ingrained in his personality,” said Bagel, frowning in disapproval.

Although she has encountered several disappointments, Bagel remains hopeful. “My parents have been married for 27 years, and their relationship has yet to go stale,” said Bagel with a smile. “I’m ready to find that special someone to grow mold with.”

© 2016