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QUIZ: Are You Exclusive, Or Are You Just Too Lazy to Fuck Anyone Else?

A collection of very romantic hearts
Is it forever, or for-no-other-reason?
What’s your favorite thing about this person?
a) Their intelligence, humor, and affability 
b) Their consistent availability during the 12-4 am timeframe
What’s the sweetest thing they’ve ever said to you?
a) You make me want to be a better person, and I'm so glad to have you in my life  
b) Can you move your head? My arm is dying. 
When do you see each other? 
a) Three times a week, usually closer to weekends
b) At your worst 
What did you do when you last hung out? 
a) Went out for Indian food, exchanged favorite albums, then cuddled
b) Fell asleep to the second season of Friends from College, then woke up and ate nonfat Greek yogurt because there was nothing else left in the dining hall 
What's your social media presence with each other like? 
a) I just Instagrammed a slightly blurry picture of us together at formal
b) We're barely Facebook friends, but once they tagged me in an Elon Musk meme 
Have you met your partner's friends? 
a) Yes! I wanted to get to know them better, so I invited them to over for a board game night 
b) Yeah, I ran into them accidentally in the d-hall, and they gave me a knowing smirk and said "ayyyy" 
Have you talked about the relationship?
a) Yes. After seeing each other casually for a few weeks, we decided we wanted to stop pursuing other people and see each other exclusively?
b) Yes. Once, before bed, they mumbled "what are we?" And I said "huh?" And they said "lol" and then we fell asleep 
Have you deactivated your Tinder? 
a) Yes, as an indication of my commitment to the other person 
b) No, I periodically swipe out of boredom, then unmatch after getting the typical "hey," "how are you," and "sit on my face" 
When you see them unexpectedly in public, they: 
a) Kiss you on your forehead; chat with you briefly about your day, then maybe accompany you to your next thing
b) Raise their eyebrows at you and then continue avoiding you
What was your last text message to them?
a) "Just saw something that reminded me of you!" 
b) "yikes lol" 
How long have you been together?
a) Two years
b) Two years 
Mostly A's: You're exclusive! Congratulations on managing to communicate with your partner in a healthy and decisive way. 
Mostly B's: You're too lazy to fuck anybody else! 
© 2020