and entering


BREAKING: Large Bank Does Illegal Thing to Get More Money

NEW YORK, NY -- Yesterday, in a shocking tell-all esposé, an employee of some large bank told authorities about an illegal thing they did to get more money. Apparently, this is a thing that they’ve been doing for years and years, never getting caught. Can you believe it?
“We are very sorry that this happened,” the bank said in an official statement. “We truly regret this activity, and look forward to two days from now once this is out of the news and we can get on with the next illegal thing we’ll be doing to make more money.”

Man Accused of Illegally Snuggling Mexican Immigrants

Arizona state police are pressing charges against Nathan Greers, resident of Tucson, for allegedly approaching Mexican immigrants at random and snuggling them against their will. Greers, who was caught early this morning in an act of first-degree tickling, is accused of forcing non-consensual hugs, Eskimo kisses, and pillow talk onto more than fifty unsuspecting Mexicans since 2011.